Guidelines for Education
within the Family
The Pontifical Council for the Family
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Rome November 21, 1995
Contents
Introduction
Chapter I: Called to True Love
Chapter II: True Love and Chastity
Chapter III: In the Light of Vocation
Chapter IV: Father and Mother as Educators
Chapter V: Paths of Formation within
the Family
Chapter VI: Learning Stages
Chapter VII: Practical Guidelines
Chapter VIII: Conclusion
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Introduction
The Situation and the Problem
1. Among the many difficulties
parents encounter today, despite different
social contexts, one certainly stands
out: giving children an adequate preparation
for adult life, particularly with regard
to education in the true meaning of
sexuality. There are many reasons for
this difficulty and not all of them
are new.
In the past, even when the family did
not provide specific sexual education,
the general culture was permeated by
respect for fundamental values and hence
served to protect and maintain them.
In the greater part of society, both
in developed and developing countries,
the decline of traditional models has
left children deprived of consistent
and positive guidance, while parents
find themselves unprepared to provide
adequate answers. This new context is
made worse by what we observe: an eclipse
of the truth about man which, among
other things, exerts pressure to reduce
sex to something commonplace. In this
area, society and the mass media most
of the time provide depersonalized,
recreational and often pessimistic information.
Moreover, this information does not
take into account the different stages
of formation and development of children
and young people, and it is influenced
by a distorted individualistic concept
of freedom, in an ambience lacking the
basic values of life, human love and
the family.
Then the school, making itself available
to carry out programmes of sex education,
has often done this by taking the place
of the family and, most of the time,
with the aim of only providing information.
Sometimes this really leads to the deformation
of consciences. In many cases parents
have given up their duty in this field
or agreed to delegate it to others,
because of the difficulty and their
own lack of preparation.
In such a situation, many Catholic
parents turn to the Church to take up
the task of providing guidance and suggestions
for educating their children, especially
in the phase of childhood and adolescence.
At times, parents themselves have brought
up their difficulties when they are
confronted by teaching given at school
and thus brought into the home by their
children. The Pontifical Council for
the Family has received repeated and
pressing requests to provide guidelines
in support of parents in this delicate
area of education.
2. Aware of this family dimension
of education for love and for living
one's own sexuality properly and conscious
of the unique "experience of humanity"
of the community of believers, our Council
wishes to put forward pastoral guidelines,
drawing on the wisdom which comes from
the Word of the Lord and the values
which illuminate the teaching of the
Church.
Therefore, above all, we wish to tie
this help for parents to fundamental
content about the truth and meaning
of sex, within the framework of a genuine
and rich anthropology. In offering this
truth, we are aware that "every
one who is of the truth" (John
18: 37) hears the word of the One who
is the Truth in Person (cf. John 14:
6).
This guide is meant to be neither a
treatise of moral theology nor a compendium
of psychology. But it does owe much
to the gains of science, to the socio-cultural
conditions of the family, and to the
proclamation of gospel values which
are always new and can be incarnated
in a concrete way in every age.
3. In this field, the Church
is strengthened by some unquestionable
certainties that have also guided the
preparation of this document.
Love is a gift of God, nourished by
and expressed in the encounter of man
and woman. Love is thus a positive force
directed towards their growth towards
maturity as persons. In the plan of
life which represents each person's
vocation, love is also a precious source
for the self-giving which all men and
women are called to make for their own
self-realization and happiness. In fact,
man is called to love as an incarnate
spirit, that is soul and body in the
unity of the person. Human love hence
embraces the body, and the body also
expresses spiritual love. Cf. John Paul
II, Apostolic Exhortation, Familiaris
Consortio, November 22, 1981, 21; AAS
74 (1982), p. 105. Therefore, sexuality
is not something purely biological,
rather it concerns the intimate nucleus
of the person. The use of sexuality
as physical giving has its own truth
and reaches its full meaning when it
expresses the personal giving of man
and woman even unto death. As with the
whole of the person's life, love is
exposed to the frailty brought about
by original sin, a frailty experienced
today in many socio-cultural contexts
marked by strong negative influences,
at times deviant and traumatic. Nevertheless,
the Lord's Redemption has made the positive
practice of chastity into something
that is really possible and a motive
for joy, both for those who have the
vocation to marriage (before, in the
time of preparation, and afterwards,
in the course of married life) as well
as for those who have the gift of a
special calling to the consecrated life.
4. In the light of the Redemption
and how adolescents and young people
are formed, the virtue of chastity is
found within temperance—a cardinal
virtue elevated and enriched by grace
in baptism. So chastity is not to be
understood as a repressive attitude.
On the contrary, chastity should be
understood rather as the purity and
temporary stewardship of a precious
and rich gift of love, in view of the
self-giving realized in each person's
specific vocation. Chastity is thus
that "spiritual energy capable
of defending love from the perils of
selfishness and aggressiveness, and
able to advance it towards its full
realization". Ibid., 33.
The Catechism of the Catholic Church
describes and in a sense defines chastity
in this way: "Chastity means the
successful integration of sexuality
within the person and thus the inner
unity of man in his bodily and spiritual
being". Catechism of the Catholic
Church, October 11, 1992, 2337.
5. In the framework of educating
the young person for self-realization
and self-giving, formation for chastity
implies the collaboration first and
foremost of the parents, as is the case
with formation for the other virtues
such as temperance, fortitude and prudence.
Chastity cannot exist as a virtue without
the capacity to renounce self, to make
sacrifices and to wait.
In giving life, parents cooperate with
the creative power of God and receive
the gift of a new responsibility—not
only to feed their children and satisfy
their material and cultural needs, but
above all to pass on to them the lived
truth of the faith and to educate them
in love of God and neighbour. This is
the parents' first duty in the heart
of the "domestic church".
Cf. Second Vatican Council, Dogmatic
Constitution on the Church, Lumen Gentium,
11; Decree on the Apostolate of the
Laity, Apostolicam Actuositatem, 11.
The Church has always affirmed that
parents have the duty and the right
to be the first and the principal educators
of their children.
Taking up the teaching of the Second
Vatican Council, the Catechism of the
Catholic Church says: "It is imperative
to give suitable and timely instruction
to young people, above all in the heart
of their own families, about the dignity
of married love, its role and its exercise".
Catechism of the Catholic Church, 1632,
citing Vatican Council II, Pastoral
Constitution on the Church in the Modern
World, Gaudium et Spes, 49.
6. The challenges raised today
by the mentality and social environment
should not discourage parents. In fact
it is worth recalling that Christians
have had to face up to similar challenges
of materialistic hedonism from the time
of the first evangelization. Moreover,
"This kind of critical reflection
should lead our society, which certainly
contains many positive aspects on the
material and cultural level, to realize
that, from various points of view, it
is a society which is sick and is creating
profound distortions in man. Why is
this happening? The reason is that our
society has broken away from the full
truth about man, from the truth about
what man and woman really are as persons.
Thus it cannot adequately comprehend
the real meaning of the gift of persons
in marriage, responsible love at the
service of fatherhood and motherhood,
and the true grandeur of procreation
and education". John Paul II, Letter
to Families, Gratissimam sane, February
2, 1994, 20: AAS 86 (1994), p. 917.
7. Therefore the educative work
of parents is indispensable for, "If
it is true that by giving life parents
share in God's creative work, it is
also true that by raising their children
they become sharers in his paternal
and at the same time maternal way of
teaching......Through Christ all education,
within the family, and outside of it,
becomes part of God's own saving pedagogy,
which is addressed to individuals and
families and culminates in the Paschal
Mystery of the Lord's Death and Resurrection".
Ibid., 16.
In their at times delicate and arduous
task, parents must not let themselves
become discouraged, rather they should
place their trust in the help of God
the Creator and Christ the Redeemer.
They should remember that the Church
prays for them with the words that Pope
Saint Clement I raised to the Lord for
all who bear authority in his name:
"Grant to them, Lord, health, peace,
concord and stability, so that they
may exercise without offence the sovereignty
that you have given them. Master, heavenly
King of the ages, you give glory, honour
and power over the things of the earth
to the sons of men. Direct, Lord, their
counsel, following what is pleasing
and acceptable in your sight, so that
by exercising with devotion and in peace
and gentleness the power that you have
given to them, they may find favour
with you". Saint Clement of Rome,
Letter to the Corinthians, 61: 1-2;
cf. Catechism of the Catholic Church,
1900. On the other hand, having given
and welcomed life in an atmosphere of
love, parents are rich in an educative
potential which no one else possesses.
In a unique way they know their own
children; they know them in their unrepeatable
identity and by experience they possess
the secrets and the resources of true
love.
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I—Called To True Love
8. As the image of God, man
is created for love. This truth was
fully revealed to us in the New Testament,
together with the mystery of the inner
life of the Trinity: "God is love
(1 John 4: 8) and in himself he lives
a mystery of personal loving communion.
Creating the human race in his own image....God
inscribed in the humanity of man and
woman the vocation, and thus the capacity
and responsibility, of love and communion.
Love is therefore the fundamental and
innate vocation of every human being."
Familiaris Consortio, 11. The whole
meaning of true freedom, and self-control
which follows from it, is thus directed
towards self-giving in communion and
friendship with God and with others.
Cf. John Paul II, Apostolic Letter,
Mulieris Dignitatem, August 15 1988,
7 and 18; AAS 80 (1988), pp. 1667 and
1693.
Human Love as Self-Giving
9. The person is thus capable
of a higher kind of love than concupiscence,
which only sees objects as a means to
satisfy one's appetites; the person
is capable rather of friendship and
self-giving, with the capacity to recognize
and love persons for themselves. Like
the love of God, this is a love capable
of generosity. One desires the good
of the other because he or she is recognized
as worthy of being loved. This is a
love which generates communion between
persons, because each considers the
good of the other as his or her own
good. This is a self-giving made to
one who loves us, a self-giving whose
inherent goodness is discovered and
activated in the communion of persons
and where one learns the value of loving
and of being loved.
Each person is called to love as friendship
and self-giving. Each person is freed
from the tendency to selfishness by
the love of others, in the first place
by parents or those who take their place
and, definitively, by God, from whom
all true love proceeds and in whose
love alone does man discover to what
extent he is loved. Here we find the
root of the educative power of Christianity:
"Humanity is loved by God! This
very simple yet profound proclamation
is owed to humanity by the Church."
John Paul II, Apostolic Exhortation,
Christifideles Laici, December 30 1988,
34; AAS 81 (1989), p. 456.. In this
way Christ has revealed his true identity
to man: "Christ the new Adam, in
the very revelation of the mystery of
the Father and of his love, fully reveals
man to himself and brings to light his
most high calling." Gaudium et
Spes, 22.
The love revealed by Christ "which
the Apostle Paul celebrates in the First
Letter to the Corinthians...is certainly
a demanding love. But this is precisely
the source of its beauty: by the very
fact that it is demanding, it builds
up the true good of man and allows it
to radiate to others." Letter to
Families, Gratissimam Sane, 14. Therefore
it is a love which respects and builds
up the person because "Love is
true when it creates the good of persons
and of communities; it creates that
good and gives it to others." Ibid.,
14.
Love and Human Sexuality
10. Man is called to love and
to self-giving in the unity of body
and spirit. Femininity and masculinity
are complementary gifts, through which
human sexuality is an integrating part
of the concrete capacity for love which
God has inscribed in man and woman.
"Sexuality is a fundamental component
of personality, one of its modes of
being, of manifestation, of communicating
with others, of feeling, of expressing
and of living human love." Congregation
for Catholic Education, Educational
Guidance in Human Love, November 1,
1983, 4; L'Osservatore Romano, English
edition, December 5, 1983, p. 5. This
capacity for love as self-giving is
thus "incarnated" in the nuptial
meaning of the body, which bears the
imprint of the person's masculinity
and femininity. "The human body,
with its sex, and its masculinity and
femininity, seen in the very mystery
of creation, is not only a source of
fruitfulness and procreation, as in
the whole natural order, but includes
right 'from the beginning' the 'nuptial'
attribute, that is, the capacity of
expressing love: that love precisely
in which the man-person becomes a gift
and—by means of this gift—fulfils
the very meaning of his being and existence."
John Paul II, General Audience, January
16, 1980, 1; L'Osservatore Romano, English
edition, January 21, 1983, p. 1. Every
form of love will always bear this masculine
and feminine character.
11. Human sexuality is thus
a good, part of that created gift which
God saw as being "very good",
when he created the human person in
his image and likeness, and "male
and female he created them" (Genesis
1:27). Insofar as it is a way of relating
and being open to others, sexuality
has love as its intrinsic end, more
precisely, love as donation and acceptance,
love as giving and receiving. The relationship
between a man and a woman is essentially
a relationship of love: "Sexuality,
oriented, elevated and integrated by
love acquires truly human quality."
Educational Guidance in Human Love,
6. When such love exists in marriage,
self-giving expresses, through the body,
the complementarity and totality of
the gift. Married love thus becomes
a power which enriches persons and makes
them grow and, at the same time, it
contributes to building up the civilization
of love. But when the sense and meaning
of gift is lacking in sexuality, a "civilization
of things and not of persons" takes
over, "a civilization in which
persons are used in the same way as
things are used. In the context of a
civilization of use, woman can become
an object for man, children a hindrance
to parents..." Letter to Families,
Gratissimam Sane, 13.
12. The gift of God: this great
truth and basic fact stands at the centre
of the Christian conscience of parents
and their children. Here we refer to
the gift which God has given us in calling
us to life, to exist as man or woman
in an unrepeatable existence, full of
endless possibilities for growing spiritually
and morally: "human life is a gift
received in order then to be given as
a gift." John Paul II, Encyclical
Letter, Evangelium Vitae, March 25,
1995, 92; AAS (1995), p. 506. "In
fact the gift reveals, so to speak,
a particular characteristic of human
existence, or rather, of the very essence
of the person. When God Yahweh says
that 'it is not good that man should
be alone' (Genesis 2:18), he affirms
that 'alone', man does not completely
realize his existence. He realizes it
only by existing 'with some one'—and
even more deeply and completely: by
existing 'for some one'." John
Paul II, General Audience, January 9,
1980, 2; L'Osservatore Romano, English
edition, January 14, 1989, p. 1. Married
love is fulfilled in openness to the
other person and in self-giving, taking
the form of a total gift that belongs
to this state of life. Moreover, the
vocation to the consecrated life always
finds its meaning in self-giving, sustained
by a special grace, the gift of oneself
"to God alone with an undivided
heart in a remarkable manner" Catechism
of the Catholic Church, 2349. in order
to serve him more fully in the Church.
Therefore, in every condition and state
of life, this gift comes to be ever
more wondrous by redeeming grace, through
which we become "partakers of the
divine nature" (2 Peter 1:4) and
are called to live the supernatural
communion of love together with God
and with our brothers and sisters. Even
in the most delicate situations, Christian
parents cannot forget that the gift
of God is there, at the very basis of
all personal and family history.
13. "As an incarnate spirit,
that is, a soul which expresses itself
in a body and a body informed by an
immortal spirit, man is called to love
in his unified totality. Love includes
the human body, and the body is made
a sharer in spiritual love." Familiaris
Consortio, 11. The meaning of sexuality
itself is to be understood in the light
of Christian Revelation: "Sexuality
characterizes man and woman not only
on the physical level, but also on the
psychological and spiritual, making
its mark on each of their expressions.
Such diversity, linked to the complementarity
of the two sexes, allows thorough response
to the design of God according to the
vocation to which each one is called."
Educational Guidance in Human Love,
5.
Married Love
14. When love is lived out in
marriage, it includes and surpasses
friendship. Love between a man and woman
is achieved when they give themselves
totally, each in turn according to their
own masculinity and femininity, founding
on the marriage covenant that communion
of persons where God has willed that
human life be conceived, grow and develop.
To this married love, and to this love
alone, belongs sexual giving, "realized
in a truly human way only if it is an
integral part of the love by which a
man and a woman commit themselves totally
to one another until death." Familiaris
Consortio, 11. The Catechism of the
Catholic Church recalls: "In marriage
the physical intimacy of the spouses
becomes a sign and pledge of spiritual
communion. Marriage bonds between baptized
persons are sanctified by the sacrament."
Catechism of the Catholic Church, 2360.
Love Open to Life
15. The revealing sign of authentic
married love is openness to life: "In
its most profound reality, love is essentially
a gift; and conjugal love, while leading
the spouses to the reciprocal 'knowledge'....does
not end with the couple, because it
makes them capable of the greatest possible
gift, the gift by which they become
cooperators with God for giving life
to a new human person. Thus the couple,
while giving themselves to one another,
give not just themselves but also the
reality of children, who are a living
reflection of their love, a permanent
sign of conjugal unity and a living
and inseparable synthesis of their being
a father and a mother." Familiaris
Consortio, 14. From this communion of
love and life spouses draw that human
and spiritual richness and that positive
atmosphere for offering their children
the support of education for love and
chastity.
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II—True Love And Chastity
16. As we will later observe,
virginal and married love are the two
forms in which the person's call to
love is fulfilled. In order for both
to develop, they require the commitment
to live chastity, in conformity with
each person's own state of life. As
the Catechism of the Catholic Church
says, sexuality "becomes personal
and truly human when it is integrated
into the relationship of one person
to another, in the complete and mutual
lifelong gift of a man and a woman."
Catechism of the Catholic Church, 2337.
Insofar as it entails sincere self-giving,
it is obvious that growth in love is
helped by that discipline of the feelings,
passions and emotions which leads us
to self-mastery. One cannot give what
one does not possess. If the person
is not master of self—through the
virtues and, in a concrete way, through
chastity—he or she lacks that self-possession
which makes self-giving possible. Chastity
is the spiritual power which frees love
from selfishness and aggression. To
the degree that a person weakens chastity,
his or her love becomes more and more
selfish, that is, satisfying a desire
for pleasure and no longer self-giving.
Chastity as Self-Giving
17. Chastity is the joyous affirmation
of someone who knows how to live self-giving,
free from any form of self-centred slavery.
This presupposes that the person has
learnt how to accept other people, to
relate with them, while respecting their
dignity in diversity. The chaste person
is not self-centred, not involved in
selfish relationships with other people.
Chastity makes the personality harmonious.
It matures it and fills it with inner
peace. This purity of mind and body
helps develop true self-respect and
at the same time makes one capable of
respecting others, because it makes
one see in them persons to reverence,
insofar as they are created in the image
of God and through grace are children
of God, re-created by Christ who "called
you out of darkness into his marvellous
light" (1 Peter 2:9).
Self-Mastery
18. "Chastity includes
an apprenticeship in self-mastery which
is a training in human freedom. The
alternative is clear: either man governs
his passions and finds peace, or he
lets himself be dominated by them and
becomes unhappy." Ibid., 2339.
Every person knows, by experience, that
chastity requires rejecting certain
thoughts, words and sinful actions,
as Saint Paul was careful to clarify
and point out (cf. Romans 1: 18; 6:
12-14; 1 Corinthians 6: 9-11; 2 Corinthians
7: 1; Galatians 5: 16-23; Ephesians
4: 17-24; 5: 3-13; Colossians 3: 5-8;
1 Thessalonians 4: 1-18; 1 Timothy 1:
8-11; 4: 12). To achieve this requires
ability and an attitude of self-mastery
which are signs of inner freedom, of
responsibility towards oneself and others.
At the same time, these signs bear witness
to a faithful conscience. Such self-mastery
involves both avoiding occasions which
might provoke or encourage sin as well
as knowing how to overcome one's own
natural instinctive impulses.
19. When the family is providing
real educational support and encouraging
the exercise of all the virtues, education
for chastity is made easy and lacks
inner conflicts, even if at certain
times young people can experience particularly
delicate situations.
For some who find themselves in situations
where chastity is offended against and
not valued, living in a chaste way can
demand a hard or even a heroic struggle.
Nonetheless, with the grace of Christ,
flowing from his spousal love for the
Church, everyone can live chastely even
if they find themselves in unfavourable
circumstances.
The very fact that all are called to
holiness, as the Second Vatican Council
teaches, makes it easier to understand
that everyone can be in situations where
heroic acts of virtue are indispensable,
whether in celibate life or marriage,
and that in fact in one way or another
this happens to everyone for shorter
or longer periods of time. Cf. John
Paul II, Address to the Participants
at the Study Seminar on "Responsible
Parenthood", organized by the University
of the Sacred Heart and the John Paul
II Institute, September 17, 1983; L'Osservatore
Romano, English edition, October 10,
1983, pp. 7 and 16. Therefore married
life also entails a joyous and demanding
path to holiness.
Chastity in Marriage
20. "Married people are
called to live conjugal chastity; others
practise chastity in continence."
Catechism of the Catholic Church, 2349.
Parents are well aware that living conjugal
chastity themselves is the most valid
premise for educating their children
in chaste love and in holiness of life.
This means that parents should be aware
that God's love is present in their
love, and hence that their sexual giving
should also be lived out in respect
for God and for his plan of love, with
fidelity, honour and generosity towards
one's spouse and towards the life which
can arise from their act of love. Only
in this way can their love be an expression
of charity. See below n. 54. Therefore,
in marriage Christians are called to
live this self-giving in a right personal
relationship with God. This relationship
is thus an expression of their faith
and love for God with the fidelity and
generous fruitfulness which distinguishes
divine love. Cf. Paul VI, Encyclical
Letter, Humanae Vitae, July 25, 1968,
8 and 9; AAS 60 (1968), pp. 485-486.
Only in this way do they respond to
the love of God and fulfil his will,
which the Commandments help us to know.
There is no legitimate love, at its
highest level, which is not also love
for God. To love the Lord implies responding
positively to his commandments: "If
you love me, you will keep my commandments"
(John 14:15). Not to do so is always
self-delusion, as Saint John of Avila
observes: some people are so clouded
in their minds that "they believe
that if their heart moves them to do
anything, they must do it, even if it
is against the commandments of God.
They say that they love Him so much
that if they break his commandments
they do not lose his love. In this way
they forget that the Son of God preached
the contrary from his own lips: whoever
welcomes my commandments and observes
them, this man loves me (John 14:21);
if anyone loves me he will keep my commandments
(John 14:23). And anyone who does not
love me does not keep my words. Thus
he makes us understand clearly that
whoever does not keep his words has
neither his friendship nor his love.
As Saint Augustine says: 'no-one can
love the king if he abhors his commandments'."
Audi filia, c. 50. 21.
In order to live chastely, man and
woman need the continuous illumination
of the Holy Spirit. "At the centre
of the spirituality of marriage...lies
chastity, not only as a moral virtue
(formed by love), but likewise as a
virtue connected with the gifts of the
Holy Spirit—above all the gift
of respect for what comes from God (donum
pietatis)...So therefore, the interior
order of married life, which enables
the 'manifestations of affection' to
develop according to their right proportion
and meaning, is a fruit not only of
the virtue which the couple practise,
but also of the gifts of the Holy Spirit
with which they cooperate." John
Paul II, General Audience, November
14, 1984, 2; L'Osservatore Romano, English
Edition, November 19, 1984, p. 1.
On the other hand, convinced that their
own chaste life and the daily effort
of bearing witness are the premise and
condition for their educational task,
parents should also consider any attack
on the virtue and chastity of their
children as an offence against the life
of faith itself that threatens and impoverishes
their own communion of life and grace
(cf. Ephesians 6: 12).
Education for Chastity
22. Educating children for chastity
strives to achieve three objectives:
(a) to maintain in the family a positive
atmosphere of love, virtue and respect
for the gifts of God, in particular
the gift of life; Cf. Evangelium Vitae,
97. (a) to help children to understand
the value of sexuality and chastity
in stages, sustaining their growth through
enlightening word, example and prayer;
(c) to help them understand and discover
their own vocation to marriage or to
consecrated virginity for the sake of
the Kingdom of Heaven in harmony with
and respecting their attitudes and inclinations
and the gifts of the Spirit.
23. Other educators can assist
in this task, but they can only take
the place of parents for serious reasons
of physical or moral incapacity. On
this point the Magisterium of the Church
has expressed itself clearly, Cf. Familiaris
Consortio, 36—37. in relation to
the whole educative process of children:
"The role of parents in education
is of such importance that it is almost
impossible to find an adequate substitute.
It is therefore the duty of parents
to create a family atmosphere inspired
by love and devotion to God and their
fellow-men which will promote an integrated,
personal and social education of their
children. The family is therefore the
principal school of the social virtues
which are necessary to every society."
Vatican Council II, Declaration on Christian
Education, Gravissimum Educationis,
3. In fact education is the parents'
domain insofar as their educational
task continues the generation of life;
moreover it is an offering of their
humanity Letter to Families, Gratissimam
sane, 16. to their children to which
they are solemnly bound in the very
moment of celebrating their marriage.
"Parents are the first and most
important educators of their children,
and they also possess a fundamental
competency in this area: they are educators
because they are parents. They share
their individual mission with other
individuals or institutions, such as
the Church and the State. But the mission
of education must always be carried
out in accordance with a proper application
of the principle of subsidiarity. This
implies the legitimacy and indeed the
need of giving assistance to the parents,
but finds its intrinsic and absolute
limit in their prevailing right and
their actual capabilities. The principle
of subsidiarity is thus at the service
of parental love, meeting the good of
the family unit. For parents by themselves
are not capable of satisfying every
requirement of the whole process of
raising children, especially in matters
concerning their schooling and the entire
gamut of socialization. Subsidiarity
thus complements paternal and maternal
love and confirms its fundamental nature,
inasmuch as all other participants in
the process of education are only able
to carry out their responsibilities
in the name of the parents, with their
consent and, to a certain degree, with
their authorization." Ibid., 16.
24. In particular, the project
of education in sexuality and true love,
open to self- giving, is confronted
today by a culture guided by positivism,
as the Holy Father notes in the Letter
to Families: "..the development
of contemporary civilization is linked
to a scientific and technological progress
which is often achieved in a one-sided
way, and thus appears purely positivistic.
Positivism, as we know, results in agnosticism
in theory and utilitarianism in practice
and in ethics... Utilitarianism is a
civilization of production and of use,
a civilization of things and not of
persons, a civilization in which persons
are used in the same way as things are
used... To be convinced that this is
the case, one need only to look at certain
sexual education programmes introduced
into the schools, often notwithstanding
the disagreement and even the protests
of many parents..." Ibid., 13.
In this context, based on the teaching
of the Church and with her support,
parents must reclaim their own task.
By associating together, wherever this
is necessary or useful, they should
put into action an educational project
marked by the true values of the person
and Christian love and taking a clear
position that surpasses ethical utilitarianism.
For education to correspond to the objective
needs of true love, parents should provide
this education within their own autonomous
responsibility.
25. Moreover, in relation to
preparation for marriage the teaching
of the Church states that the family
must remain the main protagonist in
this educational work. Cf. Familiaris
Consortio, 66.
Certainly "the changes that have
taken place within almost all modern
societies demand that not only the family
but also society and the Church should
be involved in the effort of properly
preparing young people for their future
responsibilities." Ibid., loc.
cit.. It is precisely with this end
in view that the educational task of
the family takes on greater importance
from the earliest years: "Remote
preparation begins in early childhood
in that wise family training which leads
children to discover themselves as being
endowed with a rich and complex psychology
and with a particular personality with
its own strengths and weaknesses."
Ibid., loc. cit..
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
III—In The Light Of Vocation
26. The family carries out a
decisive role in cultivating and developing
all vocations, as the Second Vatican
Council taught: "From the marriage
of Christians there comes the family
in which new citizens of human society
are born and, by the grace of the Holy
Spirit in Baptism, those are made children
of God so that the People of God may
be perpetuated throughout the centuries.
In what might be regarded as the domestic
church, the parents by word and example,
are the first heralds of the faith with
regard to their children. They must
foster the vocation which is proper
to each child, and this with special
care if it be to religion." Lumen
Gentium, 11. Yet the very fact that
vocations flourish is the sign of adequate
pastoral care of the family: "where
there is an effective and enlightened
family apostolate, just as it becomes
normal to accept life as a gift from
God, so it is easier for God's voice
to resound and to find a more generous
hearing." John Paul II, Address
to the Sixteenth General Assembly of
the Italian Episcopal Conference, May
15, 1979, 4; L'Osservatore Romano, English
edition, June 11, 1979, p. 14.
Here we are dealing with vocations
to marriage or to virginity or celibacy,
but these are always vocations to holiness.
Indeed, the document Lumen Gentium presents
the Second Vatican Council's teaching
on the universal call to holiness: "Strengthened
by so many and such great means of salvation,
all the faithful, whatever their condition
or state—though each in his own
way—are called by the Lord to that
perfection of sanctity by which the
Father himself is perfect." Lumen
Gentium, 11.
1. The Vocation to Marriage
27.Formation for true love is always
the best preparation for the vocation
to marriage. In the family, children
and young people can learn to live human
sexuality within the solid context of
Christian life. They can gradually discover
that a stable Christian marriage cannot
be regarded as a matter of convenience
or mere sexual attraction. By the fact
that it is a vocation, marriage must
involve a carefully considered choice,
a mutual commitment before God and the
constant seeking of his help in prayer.
Called to Married Love
28. Committed to the task of
educating their children for love, Christian
parents first of all can take awareness
of their married love as a reference
point. As the Encyclical Humanae Vitae
states, such love "reveals its
true nature and nobility when it is
considered in its supreme origin, God,
who is love (cf. 1 John 4: 8), 'the
Father from whom every family in heaven
and on earth is named' (Ephesians 3:
15). Marriage is not, then, the effect
of chance or the product of evolution
of unconscious natural forces; it is
the wise institution of the Creator
to realize in mankind his design of
love. By means of the reciprocal personal
gift of self, proper and exclusive to
them, husband and wife tend towards
the communion of their beings in view
of mutual personal perfection, to collaborate
with God in the generation and education
of new lives. For baptized persons,
moreover, marriage invests the dignity
of a sacramental sign of grace, inasmuch
as it represents the union of Christ
and of the Church." Humanae Vitae,
8.
The Holy Father's Letter to Families
recalls that: "The family is in
fact a community of persons whose proper
way of existing and living together
is communion: communio personarum."
Letter to Families, Gratissimam Sane,
7. Going back to the teaching of the
Second Vatican Council, the Holy Father
teaches that such a communion involves
"a certain similarity between the
union of the divine Persons and union
of God's children in truth and love."
Gaudium et Spes, 24. "This rich
and meaningful formulation first of
all confirms what is central to the
identity of every man and every woman.
This identity consists in the capacity
to live in truth and love; even more,
it consists in the need of truth and
love as an essential dimension of the
life of the person. Man's need for truth
and love opens him both to God and to
creatures: it opens him to other people,
to life in communion, and in particular
to marriage and to the family."
Letter to Families, Gratissimam Sane,
8.
29. As the Encyclical Humanae
Vitae affirms, married love has four
characteristics: it is human love (physical
and spiritual), it is total, faithful
and fruitful love. Cf. Humanae Vitae,
9.
These characteristics are founded on
the fact that "In marriage man
and woman are so firmly united as to
become, to use the words of the Book
of Genesis—one flesh (Genesis 2:24).
Male and female in their physical constitution,
the two human subjects, even though
physically different, share equally
in the capacity to live in truth and
love. This capacity, characteristic
of the human being as a person, has
at the same time both a spiritual and
a bodily dimension......The family which
results from this union draws its inner
solidity from the covenant between the
spouses, which Christ raised to a Sacrament.
The family draws its proper character
as a community, its traits of communion,
from that fundamental communion of the
spouses which is prolonged in their
children. Will you accept children lovingly
from God, and bring them up according
to the law of Christ and his Church?,
the celebrant asks during the Rite of
Marriage. The answer given by the spouses
reflects the most profound truth of
the love which unites them." Letter
to Families, Gratissimam Sane, 8. With
the same formula, spouses commit themselves
and promise to be "faithful forever"
Rituale Romanum, Ordo celebrandi matrimonium,
60. because their fidelity really flows
from this communion of persons which
is rooted in the plan of the Creator,
in Trinitarian Love and in the Sacrament
which expresses the faithful union between
Christ and the Church.
30. Christian marriage is a
sacrament whereby sexuality is integrated
into a path to holiness, through a bond
reinforced by the indissoluble unity
of the sacrament: "The gift of
the sacrament is at the same time a
vocation and commandment for the Christian
spouses, that they may remain faithful
to each other forever, beyond every
trial and difficulty, in generous obedience
to the holy will of the Lord: 'What
therefore God has joined together, let
not man put asunder'." Familiaris
Consortio, 20, citing Matthew 19:6.
Parents Face a Current Concern
31. Unfortunately, even in Christian
societies today, parents have reason
to be concerned about the stability
of their children's future marriages.
Nevertheless, in spite of the rising
number of divorces and the growing crisis
of the family, they should respond with
optimism, committing themselves to give
their children a deep Christian formation
to make them able to overcome various
difficulties. Actually, the love for
chastity, which parents help to form,
favours mutual respect between man and
woman and provides a capacity for compassion,
tolerance, generosity, and above all,
a spirit of sacrifice, without which
love cannot endure. Children will thus
come to marriage with that realistic
wisdom about which Saint Paul speaks
when he teaches that husband and wife
must continually give way to one another
in love, cherishing one another with
mutual patience and affection (cf. 1
Corinthians 7: 3-6; Ephesians 5: 21-23).
32. Through this remote formation
for chastity in the family, adolescents
and young people learn to live sexuality
in its personal dimension, rejecting
any kind of separation of sexuality
from love—understood as self-giving—and
any separation of the love between husband
and wife from the family.
Parental respect for life and the mystery
of procreation will spare the child
or young person from the false idea
that the two dimensions of the conjugal
act, unitive and procreative, can be
separated at will. Thus the family comes
to be recognized as an inseparable part
of the vocation to marriage.
A Christian education for chastity
within the family cannot remain silent
about the moral gravity involved in
separating the unitive dimension from
the procreative dimension within married
life. This happens above all in contraception
and artificial procreation. In the first
case, one intends to seek sexual pleasure,
intervening in the conjugal act to avoid
conception; in the second case conception
is sought by substituting the conjugal
act with a technique. These are actions
contrary to the truth of married love
and contrary to full communion between
husband and wife.
Forming young people for chastity should
thus become a preparation for responsible
fatherhood and motherhood, which "directly
concern the moment in which a man and
a woman, uniting themselves in one flesh,
can become parents. This is a moment
of special value both for their interpersonal
relationship and for their service to
life: they can become parents—father
and mother—by communicating life
to a new human being. The two dimensions
of conjugal union, the unitive and the
procreative, cannot be artificially
separated without damaging the deepest
truth of the conjugal act itself."
Letter to Families, Gratissimam Sane,
12; cf. Humanae Vitae, 12; Catechism
of the Catholic Church, 2366.
It is also necessary to put before
young people the consequences, which
are always very serious, of separating
sexuality from procreation when someone
reaches the stage of practising sterilization
and abortion or pursuing sexual activity
dissociated from married love, before
and outside of marriage.
Much of the moral order and marital
harmony of the family, hence also the
true good of society, depends on this
timely education, which finds its place
in God's plan, in the very structure
of sexuality and the intimate nature
of marriage.
33.Parents who carry out their own
right and duty to form their children
for chastity can be certain that they
are helping them in turn to build stable
and united families, thus anticipating,
insofar as this is possible, the joys
of paradise: "How can I ever express
the happiness of the marriage that is
joined together by the Church, strengthened
by an offering, sealed by a blessing,
announced by angels and ratified by
the Father....They are both brethren
and both fellow servants; there is no
separation between them in spirit or
flesh....Christ rejoices in them and
he sends them his peace; where the couple
is, there he is also to be found, and
where he is, evil can no longer abide."
Cf. Tertullian, Ad uxorem, II, VIII,
6-8: CCL 1, 393-394; cf. Familiaris
Consortio, 13.
2. The Vocation to Virginity and
Celibacy
34. Christian revelation presents
the two vocations to love: marriage
and virginity. In some societies today,
not only marriage and the family, but
also vocations to the priesthood and
the religious life, are often in a state
of crisis. The two situations are inseparable:
"When marriage is not esteemed,
neither can consecrated virginity or
celibacy exist; when human sexuality
is not regarded as a great value given
by the Creator, the renunciation of
it for the sake of the kingdom of heaven
loses its meaning." Familiaris
Consortio, 16. A lack of vocations follows
from the breakdown of the family, yet
where parents are generous in welcoming
life, children will be more likely to
be generous when it comes to the question
of offering themselves to God: "Families
must once again express a generous love
for life and place themselves at its
service above all by accepting the children
which the Lord wants to give them with
a sense of responsibility not detached
from peaceful trust", and they
may bring this acceptance to fulfilment
not only "through a continuing
educational effort but also through
an obligatory commitment, at times perhaps
neglected, to help teenagers especially
and young people to accept the vocational
dimension of every living being, within
God's plan....Human life acquires fullness
when it becomes a self-gift: a gift
which can express itself in matrimony,
in consecrated virginity, in self-dedication
to one's neighbour towards an ideal,
or in the choice of priestly ministry.
Parents will truly serve the life of
their children if they help them make
their own lives a gift, respecting their
mature choices and fostering joyfully
each vocation, including the religious
and priestly one." John Paul II,
Address to Participants in a Family
Ministry Convention sponsored by the
Italian Episcopal Conference, April
28, 1990, 3 and 4; L'Osservatore Romano,
English edition, May 7, 1990, p. 2.
When he deals with sexual education
in Familiaris Consortio, this is why
Pope John Paul II affirms: "Indeed
Christian parents, discerning the signs
of God's call, will devote special attention
and care to education in virginity or
celibacy as the supreme form of that
self-giving that constitutes the very
meaning of human sexuality." Familiaris
Consortio, 37.
Parents and Priestly and Religious
Vocations
35. Parents should therefore
rejoice if they see in any of their
children the signs of God's call to
the higher vocation of virginity or
celibacy for the love of the Kingdom
of Heaven. They should accordingly adapt
formation for chaste love to the needs
of those children, encouraging them
on their own path up to the time of
entering the seminary or house of formation,
or until this specific call to self-giving
with an undivided heart matures. They
must respect and appreciate the freedom
of each of their children, encouraging
their personal vocation and without
trying to impose a pre-determined vocation
on them.
The Second Vatican Council clearly
set out this distinct and honourable
task of parents, who are supported in
their work by teachers and priests:
"Parents should nurture and protect
religious vocations in their children
by educating them in Christian virtues."
Vatican Council II, Decree on the Renewal
of the Religious Life, Perfectae Caritatis,
24. "The duty of fostering vocations
falls on the whole Christian community....The
greatest contribution is made by families
which are animated by a spirit of faith,
charity and piety and which provide,
as it were, a first seminary, and by
parishes in whose abundant life the
young people themselves take an active
part." Vatican Council II, Decree
on the Training of Priests, Optatum
Totius, 2. "Parents, teachers and
all who are in any way concerned in
the education of boys and young men
ought to train them in such a way that
they will know the solicitude of the
Lord for his flock and be alive to the
needs of the Church. In this way they
will be prepared when the Lord calls
to answer generously with the prophet:
'Here am I! send me' (Isaiah 6:8)."
Vatican Council II, Decree on the Ministry
and Life of Priests, Presbyterorum Ordinis,
11.
This necessary family context for maturing
religious and priestly vocations brings
to mind the serious situation of many
families, especially in certain countries,
families with an impoverished life because
they have chosen to deprive themselves
of children or where they have only
one child, a situation in which it is
very difficult for vocations to arise
and even difficult to develop a full
social education.
36. The truly Christian family
will also be able to communicate an
understanding of the value of celibacy
to unmarried children or those who are
incapable of marriage for reasons apart
from their own will. If they are formed
well from childhood and during their
youth, they will be equipped to face
their own situation more easily. Likewise,
they will be able to discover the will
of God in such a situation and so find
a sense of vocation and peace in their
own lives. Cf. Familiaris Consortio,
16. These persons, especially if they
have some kind of physical disability,
need to be shown the great possibilities
for self-realization and spiritual fruitfulness
which are open to those who make a commitment
to help their poorest and most needy
brothers and sisters, sustained by faith
and the love of God.
