Pope John Paul
II
Given on February 2 and
released on February 22 at the Vatican.
CONTENTS
1. Introduction
2. The family - way of the Church
3. The Year of the Family
4. Prayer 5. Love and concern for all
families
I. THE CIVILIZATION OF LOVE
6. "Male and female he created
them"
7. The marital covenant
8. The unity of the two
9. The genealogy of the person
10. The common good of marriage and
the family
11. The sincere gift of self
12. Responsible fatherhood and motherhood
13. The two civilizations
14. Love is demanding
15. The fourth commandment: "Honour
your father and your mother"
16. Education
17. Family and society
II. THE BRIDEGROOM IS WITH YOU
18. At Cana in Galilee
19. The Great Mystery
20. Mother of Fairest Love
21. Birth and Danger
22. "You welcomed me"
23. "Strengthened in the inner
man"
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Dear Families!
1. The celebration of the Year
of the Family gives me a welcome opportunity
to knock at the door of your home, eager
to greet you with deep affection and
to spend time with you. I do so by this
Letter, taking as my point of departure
the words of the Encyclical Redemptor
Hominis, published in the first days
of my ministry as the Successor of Peter.
There I wrote that man is the way of
the Church.[1]
With these words I wanted first of
all to evoke the many paths along which
man walks, and at the same time to emphasize
how deeply the Church desires to stand
at his side as he follows the paths
of his earthly life. The Church shares
in the joys and hopes, the sorrows and
anxieties[2] Of people's daily pilgrimage,
firmly convinced that it was Christ
himself who set her on all these paths.
Christ entrusted man to the Church;
he entrusted man to her as the "way"
of her mission and her ministry.
THE FAMILY - WAY OF THE CHURCH
2. Among these many paths, the
family is the first and the most important.
It is a path common to all, yet one
which is particular, unique and unrepeatable,
just as every individual is unrepeatable;
it is a path from which man cannot withdraw.
Indeed, a person normally comes into
the world within a family, and can be
said to owe to the family the very fact
of his existing as an individual. When
he has no family, the person coming
into the world develops an anguished
sense of pain and loss, one which will
subsequently burden his whole life.
The Church draws near with loving concern
to all who experience situations such
as these, for she knows well the fundamental
role which the family is called upon
to play. Furthermore, she knows that
a person goes forth from the family
in order to realize in a new family
unit his particular vocation in life.
Even if someone chooses to remain single,
the family continues to be, as it were,
his existential horizon, that fundamental
community in which the whole network
of social relations is grounded, from
the closest and most immediate to the
most distant. Do we not often speak
of the "human family" when
referring to all the people living in
the world?
The family has its origin in that same
love with which the Creator embraces
the created world, as was already expressed
"in the beginning", in the
Book of Genesis (1:1). In the Gospel
Jesus offers a supreme confirmation:
"God so loved the world that he
gave his only Son" (Jn 3:16). The
only-begotten Son, of one substance
with the Father, "God from God
and Light from Light", entered
into human history through the family:
"For by his incarnation the Son
of God united himself in a certain way
with every man. He laboured with human
hands... and loved with a human heart.
Born of Mary the Virgin, he truly became
one of us and, except for sin, was like
us in every respect".[3] If in
fact Christ "fully discloses man
to himself",[4] he does so beginning
with the family in which he chose to
be born and to grow up. We know that
the Redeemer spent most of his life
in the obscurity of Nazareth, "obedient"
(Lk 2:51) as the "Son of Man"
to Mary his Mother, and to Joseph the
carpenter. Is this filial "obedience"
of Christ not already the first expression
of that obedience to the Father "unto
death" (Phil 2:8), whereby he redeemed
the world?
The divine mystery of the Incarnation
of the Word thus has an intimate connection
with the human family. Not only with
one family, that of Nazareth, but in
some way with every family, analogously
to what the Second Vatican Council says
about the Son of God, who in the Incarnation
"united himself in some sense with
every man".[5] Following Christ
who "came" into the world
"to serve" (Mt 20:28), the
Church considers serving the family
to be one of her essential duties. In
this sense both man and the family constitute
"the way of the Church."
THE YEAR OF THE FAMILY
3. For these very reasons the
Church joyfully welcomes the decision
of the United Nations Organization to
declare 1994 the International Year
of the Family. This initiative makes
it clear how fundamental the question
of the family is for the member States
of the United Nations. If the Church
wishes to take part in this initiative,
it is because she herself has been sent
by Christ to "all nations"
(Mt 28:19). Moreover, this is not the
first time the Church has made her own
an international initiative of the United
Nations. We need but recall, for example,
the International Year of Youth in 1985.
In this way also the Church makes herself
present in the world, fulfilling a desire
which was dear to Pope John XII, and
which inspired the Second Vatican Council's
Constitution Gaudium et Spes.
On the Feast of the Holy Family in
1993 the whole ecclesial community began
the "Year of the Family" as
one of the important steps along the
path of preparation for the Great Jubilee
of the Year 2000, which will mark the
end of the second and the beginning
of the third Millennium of the Birth
of Jesus Christ. This Year ought to
direct our thoughts and our hearts towards
Nazareth, where it was officially inaugurated
this past 26 December at a Solemn Eucharistic
Liturgy presided over by the Papal Legate.
Throughout this Year it is important
to discover anew the many signs of the
Church's love and concern for the family,
a love and concern expressed from the
very beginning of Christianity, when
the meaningful term "domestic church"
was applied to the family. In our own
times we have often returned to the
phrase "domestic church",
which the Council adopted[6] and the
sense of which we hope will always remain
alive in people's minds. This desire
is not lessened by an awareness of the
changed conditions of families in today's
world. Precisely because of this, there
is a continuing relevance to the title
chosen by the Council in the Pastoral
Constitution Gaudium et Spes in order
to indicate what the Church should be
doing in the present situation: "Promoting
the dignity of marriage and the family".[7]
Another important reference point after
the Council is the 1981 Apostolic Exhortation
Familiaris Consortio. This text takes
into account a vast and complex experience
with regard to the family, which among
different peoples and countries always
and everywhere continues to be the "way
of the Church". In a certain sense
it becomes all the more so precisely
in those places where the family is
suffering from internal crises or is
exposed to adverse cultural, social
and economic influences which threaten
its inner unity and strength, and even
stand in the way of its very formation.
PRAYER
4. In this Letter I wish to
speak not to families "in the abstract"
but to every particular family in every
part of the world, wherever it is located
and whatever the diversity and complexity
of its culture and history. The love
with which God "loved the world"
(Jn 3:16), the love with which Christ
loved each and every one "to the
end" (Jn 13:1), makes it possible
to address this message to each family,
as a living "cell" of the
great and universal "family"
of mankind. The Father, Creator of the
Universe, and the Word Incarnate, the
Redeemer of humanity, are the source
of this universal openness to all people
as brothers and sisters, and they impel
us to embrace them in the prayer which
begins with the tender words: "Our
Father".
Prayer makes the Son of God present
among us: "For where two or three
are gathered in my name, I am there
among them" (Mt 18:20). This Letter
to Families wishes in the first place
to be a prayer to Christ to remain in
every human family; an invitation to
him, in and through the small family
of parents and children, to dwell in
the great family of nations, so that
together with him all of us can truly
say: "Our Father"! Prayer
must become the dominant element of
the Year of the Family in the Church:
prayer by the family, prayer for the
family, and prayer with the family.
It is significant that precisely in
and through prayer, man comes to discover
in a very simple and yet profound way
his own unique subjectivity: in prayer
the human "I" more easily
perceives the depth of what it means
to be a person. This is also true of
the family, which is not only the basic
"cell" of society, but also
possesses a particular subjectivity
of its own. This subjectivity finds
its first and fundamental confirmation,
and is strengthened, precisely when
the members of the family meet in the
common invocation: "Our Father".
Prayer increases the strength and spiritual
unity of the family, helping the family
to partake of God's own "strength".
In the solemn nuptial blessing during
the Rite of Marriage, the celebrant
calls upon the Lord in these words:
"Pour out upon them [the newlyweds]
the grace of the Holy Spirit so that
by your love poured into their hearts
they will remain faithful in the marriage
covenant".[8] This "visitation"
of the Holy Spirit gives rise to the
inner strength of families, as well
as the power capable of uniting them
in love and truth.
LOVE AND CONCERN FOR ALL FAMILIES
5. May the Year of the Family
become a harmonious and universal prayer
on the part of all "domestic churches"
and of the whole People of God! May
this prayer also reach families in difficulty
or danger, lacking confidence or experiencing
division, or in situations which Familiaris
Consortio describes as "irregular".[9]
May all families be able to feel the
loving and caring embrace of their brothers
and sisters! During the Year of the
Family, prayer should first of all be
an encouraging witness on the part of
those families who live out their human
and Christian vocation in the communion
of the home. How many of them there
are in every nation, diocese and parish!
With reason it can be said that these
families make up "the norm",
even admitting the existence of more
than a few "irregular situations".
And experience shows what an important
role is played by a family living in
accordance with the moral norm, so that
the individual born and raised in it
will be able to set out without hesitation
on the road of the good, which is always
written in his heart. Unfortunately
various programmes backed by very powerful
resources nowadays seem to aim at the
breakdown of the family. At times it
appears that concerted efforts are being
made to present as "normal"
and attractive, and even to glamourize,
situations which are in fact "irregular".
Indeed, they contradict "the truth
and love" which should inspire
and guide relationships between men
and women, thus causing tensions and
divisions in families, with grave consequences
particularly for children. The moral
conscience becomes darkened; what is
true, good and beautiful is deformed;
and freedom is replaced by what is actually
enslavement. In view of all this, how
relevant and thought-provoking are the
words of the Apostle Paul about the
freedom for which Christ has set us
free, and the slavery which is caused
by sin (cf. Gal 5:1)!
It is apparent then how timely and
even necessary a Year of the Family
is for the Church; how indispensable
is the witness of all families who live
their vocation day by day; how urgent
it is for families to pray and for that
prayer to increase and to spread throughout
the world, expressing thanksgiving for
love in truth, for "the outpouring
of the grace of the Holy Spirit,[10]
for the presence among parents and children
of Christ the Redeemer and Bridegroom,
who "loved us to the end"
(cf. Jn 13:1). Let us be deeply convinced
that this love is the greatest of all
(cf. 1 Cor 13:13), and let us believe
that it is really capable of triumphing
over everything that is not love.
During this year may the prayer of
the Church, the prayer of families as
"domestic churches", constantly
rise up! May it make itself heard first
by God and then also by people everywhere,
so that they will not succumb to doubt,
and all who are wavering because of
human weakness will not yield to the
tempting glamour of merely apparent
goods, like those held out in every
temptation.
At Cana in Galilee, where Jesus was
invited to a marriage banquet, his Mother,
also present, said to the servants:
"Do whatever he tells you"
(Jn 2:5). Now that we have begun our
celebration of the Year of the Family,
Mary says the same words to us. What
Christ tells us, in this particular
moment of history, constitutes a forceful
call to a great prayer with families
and for families. The Virgin Mother
invites us to unite ourselves through
this prayer to the sentiments of her
Son, who loves each and every family.
He expressed this love at the very beginning
of his mission as Redeemer, with his
sanctifying presence at Cana in Galilee,
a presence which still continues.
Let us pray for families throughout
the world. Let us pray, through Christ,
with him and in him, to the Father "from
whom every family in heaven and on earth
is named" (Eph 3:15).
I. THE CIVILIZATION OF LOVE
"MALE AND FEMALE HE CREATED
THEM"
6. The universe, immense and
diverse as it is, the world of all living
beings, is inscribed in God's fatherhood,
which is its source (cf. Eph 3:14-16).
This can be said, of course, on the
basis of an analogy, thanks to which
we can discern, at the very beginning
of the Book of Genesis, the reality
of fatherhood and motherhood and consequently
of the human family. The interpretative
key enabling this discernment is provided
by the principle of the "image"
and "likeness" of God highlighted
by the scriptural text (Gen 1:26). God
creates by the power of his word: "Let
there be...!" (e.g., Gen 1:3).
Significantly, in the creation of man
this word of God is followed by these
other words: "Let us make man in
our image, after our likeness"
(Gen 1:26). Before creating man, the
Creator withdraws as it were into himself,
in order to seek the pattern and inspiration
in the mystery of his Being, which is
already here disclosed as the divine
"We". From this mystery the
human being comes forth by an act of
creation: "God created man in his
own image, in the image of God he created
him; male and female he created them"
(Gen 1:27).
God speaks to these newly-created beings
and he blesses them: "Be fruitful
and multiply, and fill the earth and
subdue it" (Gen 1:28). The Book
of Genesis employs the same expressions
used earlier for the creation of other
living beings: "multiply".
But it is clear that these expressions
are being used in an analogous sense.
Is there not present here the analogy
of begetting and of fatherhood and motherhood,
which should be understood in the light
of the overall context? No living being
on earth except man was created "in
the image and likeness of God".
Human fatherhood and motherhood, while
remaining biologically similar to that
of other living beings in nature, contain
in an essential and unique way a "likeness"
to God which is the basis of the family
as a community of human life, as a community
of persons united in love (communio
personarum).
In the light of the New Testament it
is possible to discern how the primordial
model of the family is to be sought
in God himself, in the Trinitarian mystery
of his life. The divine "We"
is the eternal pattern of the human
"we", especially of that "we"
formed by the man and the woman created
in the divine image and likeness. The
words of the Book of Genesis contain
that truth about man which is confirmed
by the very experience of humanity.
Man is created "from the very beginning"
as male and female: the life of all
humanity--whether of small communities
or of society as a whole--marked by
this primordial duality. From it there
derive the "masculinity" and
the "femininity" of individuals,
just as from it every community draws
its own unique richness in the mutual
fulfillment of persons. This is what
seems to be meant by the words of the
Book of Genesis: "Male and female
he created them" (Gen 1:27). Here
too we find the first statement of the
equal dignity of man and woman: both
in equal measure, are persons. Their
constitution, with the specific dignity
which derives from it, defines "from
the beginning" the qualities of
the common good of humanity, in every
dimension and circumstance of life.
To this common good both man and woman
make their specific contribution. Hence
one can discover, at the very origins
of human society, the qualities of communion
and of complementarity.
THE MARITAL COVENANT
7. The family has always been
considered as the first and basic expression
of man's social nature. Even today this
way of looking at things remains unchanged.
Nowadays, however, emphasis tends to
be laid on how much the family, as the
smallest and most basic human community,
owes to the personal contribution of
a man and a woman. The family is in
fact a community of persons whose proper
way of existing and living together
is communion: communio personarum. Here
too, while always acknowledging the
absolute transcendence of the Creator
with regard to his creatures, we can
see the family's ultimate relationship
to the divine "We". Only persons
are capable of living "in communion".
The family originates in a marital communion
described by the Second Vatican Council
as a "covenant", in which
man and woman "give themselves
to each other and accept each other".[11]
The Book of Genesis helps us to see
this truth when it states, in reference
to the establishment of the family through
marriage, that "a man leaves his
father and his mother and cleaves to
his wife, and they become one flesh"
(Gen 2:24). In the Gospel, Christ, disputing
with the Pharisees, quotes these same
words and then adds: "So they are
no longer two but one flesh. What therefore
God has joined together, let not man
put asunder" (Mt 19:6). In this
way, he reveals anew the binding content
of a fact which exists "from the
beginning" (Mt 19:8) and which
always preserves this content. If the
Master confirms it "now",
he does so in order to make clear and
unmistakable to all, at the dawn of
the New Covenant, the indissoluble character
of marriage as the basis of the common
good of the family.
When, in union with the Apostle, we
bow our knees before the Father from
whom all fatherhood and motherhood is
named (cf. Eph 3:14-15), we come to
realize that parenthood is the event
whereby the family, already constituted
by the conjugal covenant of marriage,
is brought about "in the full and
specific sense".[12] Motherhood
necessarily implies fatherhood, and
in turn, fatherhood necessarily implies
motherhood. This is the result of the
duality bestowed by the Creator upon
human beings "from the beginning".
I have spoken of two closely related
yet not identical concepts: the concept
of "communion" and that of
"community". "Communion"
has to do with the personal relationship
between the "I" and the "thou".
"Community" on the other hand
transcends this framework and moves
towards a "society", a "we".
The family, as a community of persons,
is thus the first human "society".
It arises whenever there comes into
being the conjugal covenant of marriage,
which opens the spouses to a lasting
communion of love and of life, and it
is brought to completion in a full and
specific way with the procreation of
children: the "communion"
of the spouses gives rise to the "community"
of the family. The "community"
of the family is completely pervaded
by the very essence of "communion".
On the human level, can there be any
other "communion" comparable
to that between a mother and a child
whom she has carried in her womb and
then brought to birth?
In the family thus constituted there
appears a new unity, in which the relationship
"of communion" between the
parents attains complete fulfillment.
Experience teaches that this fulfillment
represents both a task and a challenge.
The task involves the spouses in living
out their original covenant. The children
born to them--and here is the challenge
should consolidate that covenant, enriching
and deepening the conjugal communion
of the father and mother. When this
does not occur, we need to ask if the
selfishness which lurks even in the
love of man and woman as a result of
the human inclination to evil is not
stronger than this love. Married couples
need to be well aware of this. From
the outset they need to have their hearts
and thoughts turned towards the God
"from whom every family is named",
so that their fatherhood and motherhood
will draw from that source the power
to be continually renewed in love.
Fatherhood and motherhood are themselves
a particular proof of love; they make
it possible to discover love's extension
and original depth. But this does not
take place automatically. Rather, it
is a task entrusted to both husband
and wife. In the life of husband and
wife together, fatherhood and motherhood
represent such a sublime "novelty"
and richness as can only be approached
"on one's knees".
Experience teaches that human love,
which naturally tends towards fatherhood
and motherhood, is sometimes affected
by a profound crisis and is thus seriously
threatened. In such cases, help can
be sought at marriage and family counselling
centres, where it is possible, among
other things, to obtain the assistance
of specifically trained psychologists
and psychotherapists. At the same time,
however, we cannot forget the perennial
validity of the words of the Apostle:
"I bow my knees before the Father,
from whom every family in heaven and
on earth is named". Marriage, the
Sacrament of Matrimony, is a covenant
of persons in love. And love can be
deepened and preserved only by Love,
that Love which is "poured into
our hearts through the Holy Spirit which
has been given to us" (Rom 5:5).
During the Year of the Family should
our prayer not concentrate on the crucial
and decisive moment of the passage from
conjugal love to childbearing, and thus
to fatherhood and motherhood? Is that
not precisely the moment when there
is an indispensable need for the "outpouring
of the grace of the Holy Spirit"
invoked in the liturgical celebration
of the Sacrament of Matrimony?
The Apostle, bowing his knees before
the Father, asks that the faithful "be
strengthened with might through his
Spirit in the inner man" (Eph 3:16).
This "inner strength" is necessary
in all family life, especially at its
critical moments, when the love which
was expressed in the liturgical rite
of marital consent with the words, "I
promise to be faithful to you always...
all the days of my life", is put
to a difficult test.
THE UNITY OF THE TWO
8. Only "persons"
are capable of saying those words; only
they are able to live "in communion"
on the basis of a mutual choice which
is, or ought to be, fully conscious
and free. The Book of Genesis, in speaking
of a man who leaves father and mother
in order to cleave to his wife (cf.
Gen 2:24), highlights the conscious
and free choice which gives rise to
marriage, making the son of a family
a husband, and the daughter of a family
a wife. How can we adequately understand
this mutual choice, unless we take into
consideration the full truth about the
person, who is a rational and free being?
The Second Vatican Council, in speaking
of the likeness of God, uses extremely
significant terms. It refers not only
to the divine image and likeness which
every human being as such already possesses,
but also and primarily to "a certain
similarity between the union of the
divine persons and the union of God's
children in truth and love".[13]
This rich and meaningful formulation
first of all confirms what is central
to the identity of every man and every
woman. This identity consists in the
capacity to live in truth and love;
even more, it consists in the need of
truth and love as an essential dimension
of the life of the person. Man's need
for truth and love opens him both to
God and to creatures: it opens him to
other people, to life "in communion",
and in particular to marriage and to
the family. In the words of the Council,
the "communion" of persons
is drawn in a certain sense from the
mystery of the Trinitarian "We",
and therefore "conjugal communion"
also refers to this mystery. The family,
which originates in the love of man
and woman, ultimately derives from the
mystery of God. This conforms to the
innermost being of man and woman, to
their innate and authentic dignity as
persons.
In marriage man and woman are so firmly
united as to become to use the words
of the Book of Genesis--"one flesh"
(Gen 2:24). Male and female in their
physical constitution, the two human
subjects, even though physically different,
share equally in the capacity to live
"in truth and love". This
capacity, characteristic of the human
being as a person, has at the same time
both a spiritual and a bodily dimension.
It is also through the body that man
and woman are predisposed to form a
"communion of persons" in
marriage. When they are united by the
conjugal covenant in such a way as to
become "one flesh" (Gen 2:24),
their union ought to take place "in
truth and love", and thus express
the maturity proper to persons created
in the image and likeness of God.
The family which results from this
union draws its inner solidity from
the covenant between the spouses, which
Christ raised to a Sacrament. The family
draws its proper character as a community,
its traits of "communion",
from that fundamental communion of the
spouses which is prolonged in their
children. "Will you accept children
lovingly from God, and bring them up
according to the law of Christ and his
Church?", the celebrant asks during
the Rite of Marriage.[14] The answer
given by the spouses reflects the most
profound truth of the love which unites
them. Their unity, however, rather than
closing them up in themselves, opens
them towards a new life, towards a new
person. As parents, they will be capable
of giving life to a being like themselves,
not only bone of their bones and flesh
of their flesh (cf. Gen 2:23), but an
image and likeness of God--a person.
When the Church asks "Are you
willing?", she is reminding the
bride and groom that they stand before
the creative power of God. They are
called to become parents, to cooperate
with the Creator in giving life. Cooperating
with God to call new human beings into
existence means contributing to the
transmission of that divine image and
likeness of which everyone "born
of a woman" is a bearer.
THE GENEALOGY OF THE PERSON
9. Through the communion of
persons which occurs in marriage, a
man and a woman begin a family. Bound
up with the family is the genealogy
of every individual: the genealogy of
the person. Human fatherhood and motherhood
are rooted in biology, yet at the same
time transcend it. The Apostle, with
knees bowed "before the Father
from whom all fatherhood [and motherhood]
in heaven and on earth is named",
in a certain sense asks us to look at
the whole world of living creatures,
from the spiritual beings in heaven
to the corporeal beings on earth. Every
act of begetting finds its primordial
model in the fatherhood of God. Nonetheless,
in the case of man, this "cosmic"
dimension of likeness to God is not
sufficient to explain adequately the
relationship of fatherhood and motherhood.
When a new person is born of the conjugal
union of the two, he brings with him
into the world a particular image and
likeness of God himself: the genealogy
of the person is inscribed in the very
biology of generation.
In affirming that the spouses, as parents,
cooperate with God the Creator in conceiving
and giving birth to a new human being,[15]
we are not speaking merely with reference
to the laws of biology. Instead, we
wish to emphasize that God himself is
present in human fatherhood and motherhood
quite differently than he is present
in all other instances of begetting
"on earth". Indeed, God alone
is the source of that "image and
likeness" which is proper to the
human being, as it was received at Creation.
Begetting is the continuation of Creation.[16]
And so, both in the conception and
in the birth of a new child, parents
find themselves face to face with a
"great mystery" (cf. Eph 5:32).
Like his parents, the new human being
is also called to live as a person;
he is called to a life "in truth
and love". This call is not only
open to what exists in time, but in
God it is also open to eternity. This
is the dimension of the genealogy of
the person which has been revealed definitively
by Christ, who casts the light of his
Gospel on human life and death and thus
on the meaning of the human family.
As the Council affirms, man is "the
only creature on earth whom God willed
for its own sake"[17] Man's coming
into being does not conform to the laws
of biology alone, but also, and directly,
to God's creative will, which is concerned
with the genealogy of the sons and daughters
of human families. God "willed"
man from the very beginning, and God
"wills" him in every act of
conception and every human birth. God
"wills" man as a being similar
to himself, as a person. This man, every
man, is created by God "for his
own sake". That is true of all
persons, including those born with sicknesses
or disabilities. Inscribed in the personal
constitution of every human being is
the will of God, who wills that man
should be, in a certain sense, an end
unto himself. God hands man over to
himself, entrusting him both to his
family and to society as their responsibility.
Parents, in contemplating a new human
being, are, or ought to be, fully aware
of the fact that God "wills"
this individual "for his own sake".
This concise expression is profoundly
rich in meaning. From the very moment
of conception, and then of birth, the
new being is meant to express fully
his humanity, to "find himself"
as a person.[18] This is true for absolutely
everyone, including the chronically
ill and the disabled. "To be human"
is his fundamental vocation: "to
be human" in accordance with the
gift received, in accordance with that
"talent" which is humanity
itself, and only then in accordance
with other talents. In this sense God
wills every man "for his own sake".
In God's plan, however, the vocation
of the human person extends beyond the
boundaries of time. It encounters the
will of the Father revealed in the Incarnate
Word: "God's will is to lavish
upon man a sharing in his own divine
life. As Christ says: "I came that
they may have life and have it abundantly"
(Jn 10:10).
Does affirming man's ultimate destiny
not conflict with the statement that
God wills man "for his own sake"?
If he has been created for divine life,
can man truly exist "for his own
sake"? This is a critical question,
one of great significance both for the
beginning of his earthly life and its
end: it is important for the whole span
of his life. It might appear that in
destining man for divine life God definitively
takes away man's existing "for
his own sake".[19] What then is
the relationship between the life of
the person and his sharing in the life
of the Trinity? Saint Augustine provides
us with the answer in his celebrated
phrase: "Our heart is restless
until it rests in you".[20] This
"restless heart" serves to
point out that between the one finality
and the other there is in fact no contradiction,
but rather a relationship, a complementarity,
a unity. By his very genealogy, the
person created in the image and likeness
of God, exists "for his own sake"
and reaches fulfillment precisely by
sharing in God's life. The content of
this self-fulfillment is the fullness
of life in God, proclaimed by Christ
(cf. Jn 6:37-40), who redeemed us precisely
so that we might come to share it (cf.
Mk 10:45).
It is for themselves that married couples
want children; in children they see
the crowning of their own love for each
other. They want children for the family,
as a priceless gift.[21] This is quite
understandable. Nonetheless, in conjugal
love and in paternal and maternal love
we should find inscribed the same truth
about man which the Council expressed
in a clear and concise way in its statement
that God "willed man for his own
sake". It is thus necessary that
the will of the parents should be in
harmony with the will of God. They must
want the new human creature in the same
way as the Creator wants him: "for
himself". Our human will is always
and inevitably subject to the law of
time and change. The divine will, on
the other hand, is eternal. As we read
in the Book of the Prophet Jeremiah:
"Before I formed you in the womb
I knew you, and before you were born
I consecrated you" (Jer 1:5). The
genealogy of the person is thus united
with the eternity of God, and only then
with human fatherhood and motherhood,
which are realized in time. At the moment
of conception itself, man is already
destined to eternity in God.
THE COMMON GOOD OF MARRIAGE AND
THE FAMILY
10. Marital consent defines
and consolidates the good common to
marriage and to the family. "I,
N., take you, N., to be my wife/husband.
I promise to be true to you in good
times and in bad, in sickness and in
health. I will love you and honour you
all the days of my life".[22] Marriage
is a unique communion of persons, and
it is on the basis of this communion
that the family is called to become
a community of persons. This is a commitment
which the bride and groom undertake
"before God and his Church",
as the celebrant reminds them before
they exchange their consent.[23] Those
who take part in the rite are witnesses
of this commitment, for in a certain
sense they represent the Church and
society, the settings in which the new
family will live and grow.
The words of consent define the common
good of the couple and of the family.
First, the common good of the spouses:
love, fidelity, honour, the permanence
of their union until death--"all
the days of my life". The good
of both, which is at the same time the
good of each, must then become the good
of the children. The common good, by
its very nature, both unites individual
persons and ensures the true good of
each. If the Church (and the State for
that matter) receives the consent which
the spouses express in the words cited
above, she does so because that consent
is "written in their hearts"
(Rom 2:15). It is the spouses who give
their consent to each other by a solemn
promise, that is by confirming the truth
of that consent in the sight of God.
As baptized Christians, they are the
ministers of the Sacrament of Matrimony
in the Church. Saint Paul teaches that
this mutual commitment of theirs is
a "great mystery" (Eph 5:32).
The words of consent, then, express
what is essential to the common good
of the spouses, and they indicate what
ought to be the common good of the future
family. In order to bring this out,
the Church asks the spouses if they
are prepared to accept the children
God grants them and to raise the children
as Christians. This question calls to
mind the common good of the future family
unit, evoking the genealogy of persons
which is part of the constitution of
marriage and of the family itself. The
question about children and their education
is profoundly linked to marital consent,
with its solemn promise of love, conjugal
respect, and fidelity until death. The
acceptance and education of children--two
of the primary ends of the family--are
conditioned by how that commitment will
be fulfilled. Fatherhood and motherhood
represent a responsibility which is
not simply physical but spiritual in
nature, indeed, through these realities
there passes the genealogy of the person,
which has its eternal beginning in God
and which must lead back to him.
The Year of the Family, as a year of
special prayer on the part of families,
ought to renew and deepen each family's
awareness of these truths. What a wealth
of biblical reflections could nourish
that prayer! Together with the words
of Sacred Scripture, these prayerful
reflections should always include the
personal memories of the spouses-parents,
the children and grandchildren. Through
the genealogy of persons, conjugal communion
becomes a communion of generations.
The sacramental union of the two spouses,
sealed in the covenant which they enter
into before God, endures and grows stronger
as the generations pass. It must become
a union in prayer. But for all this
to become clearly apparent during the
Year of the Family, prayer needs to
become a regular habit in the daily
life of each family. Prayer is thanksgiving,
praise of God, asking for forgiveness,
supplication and invocation. In all
of these forms the prayer of the family
has much to say to God. It also has
much to say to others, beginning with
the mutual communion of persons joined
together by family ties.
The Psalmist asks: "What is man
that you keep him in mind?" (Ps
8:4). Prayer is the place where, in
a very simple way, the creative and
fatherly remembrance of God is made
manifest: not only man's remembrance
of God, but also and especially God's
remembrance of man. In this way, the
prayer of the family as a community
can become a place of common and mutual
remembrance: the family is in fact a
community of generations. In prayer
everyone should be present: the living
and those who have died, and also those
yet to come into the world. Families
should pray for all of their members,
in view of the good which the family
is for each individual and which each
individual is for the whole family.
Prayer strengthens this good, precisely
as the common good of the family. Moreover,
it creates this good ever anew. In prayer,
the family discovers itself as the first
"us", in which each member
is "I" and "thou";
each member is for the others either
husband or wife, father or mother, son
or daughter, brother or sister, grandparent
or grandchild.
Are all the families to which this
Letter is addressed like this? Certainly
a good number are, but the times in
which we are living tend to restrict
family units to two generations. Often
this is the case because available housing
is too limited, especially in large
cities. But it is not infrequently due
to the belief that having several generations
living together interferes with privacy
and makes life too difficult. But is
this not where the problem really lies?
Families today have too little "human"
life. There is a shortage of people
with whom to create and share the common
good; and yet that good, by its nature,
demands to be created and shared with
others: bonum est diffusivum sui: "good
is diffusive of itself".[24] The
more common the good, the more properly
one's own it will also be: mine - yours
- ours. This is the logic behind living
according to the good, living in truth
and charity. If man is able to accept
and follow this logic, his life truly
becomes a "sincere gift".
THE SINCERE GIFT OF SELF
11. After affirming that man
is the only creature on earth which
God willed for itself, the Council immediately
goes on to say that he cannot "fully
find himself except through a sincere
gift of self".[25] This might appear
to be a contradiction, but in fact it
is not. Instead it is the magnificent
paradox of human existence: an existence
called to serve the truth in love. Love
causes man to find fulfillment through
the sincere gift of self. To love means
to give and to receive something which
can be neither bought nor sold, but
only given freely and mutually.
By its very nature the gift of the
person must be lasting and irrevocable.
The indissolubility of marriage flows
in the first place from the very essence
of that gift: the gift of one person
to another person. This reciprocal giving
of self reveals the spousal nature of
love. In their marital consent the bride
and groom call each other by name: "I...
take you... as my wife (as my husband)
and I promise to be true to you... for
all the days of my life". A gift
such as this involves an obligation
much more serious and profound than
anything which might be "purchased"
in any way and at any price. Kneeling
before the Father, from whom all fatherhood
and motherhood come, the future parents
come to realize that they have been
"redeemed". They have been
purchased at great cost, by the price
of the most sincere gift of all, the
blood of Christ of which they partake
through the Sacrament. The liturgical
crowning of the marriage rite is the
Eucharist, the sacrifice of that "Body
which has been given up" and that
"Blood which has been shed",
which in a certain way finds expression
in the consent of the spouses.
When a man and woman in marriage mutually
give and receive each other in the unity
of "one flesh", the logic
of the sincere gift of self becomes
a part of their life. Without this,
marriage would be empty; whereas a communion
of persons, built on this logic, becomes
a communion of parents. When they transmit
life to the child, a new human "thou"
becomes a part of the horizon of the
"we" of the spouses, a person
whom they will call by a new name: "our
son...; our daughter...". "I
have gotten a man with the help of the
Lord" (Gen 4:1), says Eve, the
first woman of history: a human being,
first expected for nine months and then
"revealed" to parents, brothers
and sisters. The process from conception
and growth in the mother's womb to birth
makes it possible to create a space
within which the new creature can be
revealed as a "gift": indeed
this is what it is from the very beginning.
Could this frail and helpless being,
totally dependent upon its parents and
completely entrusted to them, be seen
in any other way? The newborn child
gives itself to its parents by the very
fact of its coming into existence. Its
existence is already a gift, the first
gift of the Creator to the creature.
In the newborn child is realized the
common good of the family. Just as the
common good of spouses is fulfilled
in conjugal love, ever ready to give
and receive new life, so too the common
good of the family is fulfilled through
that same spousal love, as embodied
in the newborn child. Part of the genealogy
of the person is the genealogy of the
family, preserved for posterity by the
annotations in the Church's baptismal
registers, even though these are merely
the social consequence of the fact that
"a man has been born into the world"
(cf. Jn 16:21).
But is it really true that the new
human being is a gift for his parents?
A gift for society? Apparently nothing
seems to indicate this. On occasion
the birth of a child appears to be a
simple statistical fact, registered
like so many other data in demographic
records. It is true that for the parents
the birth of a child means more work,
new financial burdens and further inconveniences,
all of which can lead to the temptation
not to want another birth.[26] In some
social and cultural contexts this temptation
can become very strong. Does this mean
that a child is not a gift? That it
comes into the world only to take and
not to give? These are some of the disturbing
questions which men and women today
find hard to escape. A child comes to
take up room, when it seems that there
is less and less room in the world.
But is it really true that a child brings
nothing to the family and society? Is
not every child a "particle"
of that common good without which human
communities break down and risk extinction?
Could this ever really be denied? The
child becomes a gift to its brothers,
sisters, parents and entire family.
Its life becomes a gift for the very
people who were givers of life and who
cannot help but feel its presence, its
sharing in their life and its contribution
to their common good and to that of
the community of the family. This truth
is obvious in its simplicity and profundity,
whatever the complexity and even the
possible pathology of the psychological
make-up of certain persons. The common
good of the whole of society dwells
in man; he is, as we recalled, "the
way of the Church".[27] Man is
first of all the "glory of God":
"Gloria Dei vivens homo",
in the celebrated words of Saint Irenaeus,[28]
which might also be translated: "the
glory of God is for man to be alive".
It could be said that here we encounter
the loftiest definition of man: the
glory of God is the common good of all
that exists; the common good of the
human race.
Yes! Man is a common good: a common
good of the family and of humanity,
of individual groups and of different
communities. But there are significant
distinctions of degree and modality
in this regard. Man is a common good,
for example, of the Nation to which
he belongs and of the State of which
he is a citizen; but in a much more
concrete, unique and unrepeatable way
he is a common good of his family. He
is such not only as an individual who
is part of the multitude of humanity,
but rather as "this individual".
God the Creator calls him into existence
"for himself"; and in coming
into the world he begins, in the family,
his "great adventure", the
adventure of human life. "This
man" has, in every instance, the
right to fulfil himself on the basis
of his human dignity. It is precisely
this dignity which establishes a person's
place among others, and above all, in
the family. The family is indeed--more
than any other human reality--the place
where an individual can exist "for
himself" through the sincere gift
of self. This is why it remains a social
institution which neither can nor should
be replaced: it is the "sanctuary
of life".[29]
The fact that a child is being born,
that "a child is born into the
world" (Jn 16:21) is a paschal
sign. As we read in the Gospel of John,
Jesus himself speaks of this to the
disciples before his passion and death,
comparing their sadness at his departure
with the pains of a woman in labour:
"When a woman is in travail she
has sorrow (that is, she suffers), because
her hour has come; but when she is delivered
of the child, she no longer remembers
the anguish, for joy that a child is
born into the world" (Jn 16:21).
The "hour" of Christ's death
(cf. Jn 13:1) is compared here to the
"hour" of the woman in birthpangs;
the birth of a new child fully reflects
the victory of life over death brought
about by the Lord's Resurrection. This
comparison can provide us with material
for reflection. Just as the Resurrection
of Christ is the manifestation of Life
beyond the threshold of death, so too
the birth of an infant is a manifestation
of life, which is always destined, through
Christ, for that "fullness of life"
which is in God himself: "I came
that they may have life, and have it
abundantly" (Jn 10:10). Here we
see revealed the deepest meaning of
Saint Irenaeus's expression: "Gloria
Dei vivens homo".
It is the Gospel truth concerning the
gift of self, without which the person
cannot "fully find himself",
which makes possible an appreciation
of how profoundly this "sincere
gift" is rooted in the gift of
God, Creator and Redeemer, and in the
"grace of the Holy Spirit"
which the celebrant during the Rite
of Marriage prays will be "poured
out" on the spouses. Without such
an "outpouring", it would
be very difficult to understand all
this and to carry it out as man's vocation.
Yet how many people understand this
intuitively! Many men and women make
this truth their own, coming to discern
that only in this truth do they encounter
"the Truth and the Life" (Jn
14:6). Without this truth, the life
of the spouses and of the family will
not succeed in attaining a fully human
meaning.
This is why the Church never tires
of teaching and of bearing witness to
this truth. While certainly showing
maternal understanding for the many
complex crisis situations in which families
are involved, as well as for the moral
frailty of every human being, the Church
is convinced that she must remain absolutely
faithful to the truth about human love
Otherwise she would betray herself.
To move away from this saving truth
would be to close "the eyes of
our hearts" (cf. Eph 1:18), which
instead should always stay open to the
