We recommend that wives whose husbands have a problem with pornography follow these five steps.

Step 1: Listen
Listen to Dealing with Your Husband’s Secret Life – CD
     How do you know?
     What can you do?
     Where can you turn?
Please listen to this CD before calling/emailing our office for consulting advice.
Dealing with Your Husband’s Secret Life

Step 2: Read
Read through the resources on the webpage: Help for Those Struggling with Pornography
http://dads.org/strugglewithporn.asp

Read the Breaking Free booklet

Step 3: Watch
Now That I Know What Should I Do? This DVD by Dr. Douglas Weiss answers the ten most frequently asked questions for partners of sex addicts. Available for free loan (with a security deposit) from the Family Life Center [mail@familylifecenter.net], or for purchase from Dr. Weiss [1-719-278-3708/ www.intimatematters.com].

Step 4. Contact
Find a counselor. Be willing to travel, especially for intensive counseling. Be sure to contact only counselors who are trained and skilled in working with sex addictions.
http://www.dads.org/sex_addict_counselor.asp

Step 5. Pray
Actually, prayer isn’t a step as much as it is something that should accompany each phase of recovery.

We strong recommend that you enlist prayer support for the recovery of your spouse, for strength for yourself, and for the healing of your marriage.
http://familylifecenter.net/article.asp?artId=317

Besides contacting the Family Life Center, we recommend that you contact a contemplative religious order and ask them to pray for you and your spouse.

EXTREMELY VALUABLE RESOURCES FOR SPOUSES

Dealing with your husband's secret life.

Shattered Vows: Hope and Healing for Women Who Have Been Sexually Betrayed by Debra Laaser. It is absolutely essential for every woman struggling with sexual betrayal to obtain a copy of this priceless book.

I Surrender All: Rebuilding a Marriage Broken by Pornography by Clay & Renee Crosse. A remarkable book that candidly describes the horrendous damage to a marriage that comes from pornography.

OTHER HELPFUL RESOURCES FOR SPOUSES

L.I.F.E. Guide for Spouses by Melissa Haas. Helpful for dealing with the wounds pornography creates and how a spouse should respond to a husband’s addiction.
http://www.freedomeveryday.org/resources/spouses/spouses.php

The Monogamy Myth: A Personal Handbook for Recovering from Affairs by Peggy Vaughan. This book is written from a secular perspective, but chapter 3 is useful for effective confrontations and evaluating suspicions.
Note from Steve Wood on “The Monogamy Myth”

Living with Your Husband’s Secret Wars by Marsha Means

Important Note: Some of the above resources are written by Evangelical Protestants and one is written from a secular viewpoint. Therefore, Sacraments, sacramentals, and Catholic moral theology may not be present. We cannot recommend the L.I.F.E. Guide for Young Men because of statements in it on masturbation.

Counseling, Intensive Workshops, and Healing for Spouses of Addicts
Bethesda Workshops offer intensive workshops for spouses of addicts. They use the best clinical strategies, coupled with Christian principles, to achieve spiritual, emotional, behavioral, and relational healing. These special workshops for spouses offer hope for women whose spouse is struggling with pornography, infidelity, and other kinds of sexual addiction.

The Bethesda Workshops website offers answers to questions like:
   What should I do first if I suspect my spouse is a sex addict?
   What do I tell my family and friends?
   What do I tell my children?
   Are my children safe if my spouse is sexually addicted?
   What if my spouse won’t get help?
http://bethesdaworkshops.org/Heal/spouse/home.cfm?pg=spfaq

Don’t remain isolated and alone in this struggle. You can begin your own recovery, whether or not your addicted spouse makes a similar choice.
To contact Bethesda Workshops:
Phone: 615-467-5610; Toll-free: 866-464-HEAL
http://bethesdaworkshops.org/Heal/spouse/home.cfm

Spector Pro 6.0 – Computer Monitoring Software - more...

Marriage Resources:
Marriages are deeply impacted by a sexual addiction. Once the sexual addiction is under control, you may want to attend a week-long marriage intensive.
http://dads.org/article.asp?artId=300

Help for Hurting Marriages – CD Album

PREP marital communications training will prove helpful in restoring and strengthening your marriage. PREP is described on the Help for Hurting Marriages CDs.
Dealing with Your Husband’s Secret Life

A Final Word to Wives Whose Husbands Have a Pornography Habit
http://dads.org/article.asp?artId=243